Hello, it’s me again… been a while, hasn’t it? Almost a whole year since I did anything with this blog. It’s been so long that not only did I end up getting that short fringe (and a couple of successive trims) but I’ve almost grown it out! And as anyone who has ever had bangs knows, they take eons to grow out…
Why has it taken so long? Well, because procrastination is a bitch.
As most people who suffer from procrastination will probably agree, it comes from this place of not feeling like you can start anything because of the sheer magnitude of stuff to do. It feels overwhelming – so rather than doing something, you end up putting it off, again and again. It doesn’t help when you’re also in a bit of a sucky mental place due to injury and lack of motivation.
See, I tore my knee on a family vacation almost two years ago, and that torn piece of meniscus was flipped over and stuck in the wrong spot. It meant that I couldn’t go back to work as a baker until after surgery – all it would take was one slip to damage my knee even further. (Fun fact – commercial bakers in the UK are almost all male, because it’s a very physically demanding job!) Then, after being told it would only take 3 months to get surgery, the NHS took almost a full year to finally get me booked in. By that point, I had already arranged to get it done privately in Lithuania (a different story for another time).
Now, at first, having three months off work sounded like it would be a great chance to do some fun personal projects. Instead, it turned into a year of feeling like my worst self. I realised that without motivation to do anything, I did nothing. And then I felt worse about myself for doing nothing… which just made me feel worse and not do anything. It was a vicious cycle.
Even after I got my knee fixed, I still felt… off. I mean, even right now as I type this, I still don’t feel quite myself. I used to have energy to bake things, or do crafts. But these days I feel like it’s a struggle to find motivation to do anything beyond my actual job. (Second fun fact – no longer a baker. It’s been a while, hasn’t it…)
Maybe it’s like what they say about forming habits, that they take two months until they feel natural. I had a whole year of wallowing in apathy… I think it’s going to take some forced activity to make me feel like myself again.
Hence this blog post… I’m forcing myself to get productive again! (didn’t see that coming, did you?) I’ve got a major new project on the horizon, so I’ve got to start now.